With the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards taking place on Sunday, Land of Punt began to ruminate on shows that have never won an Emmy. Eventually, our musings yielded a list of the five best television shows that the Emmys have ignored. And by ignored we mean totally and completely abandoned. If a show won a single Emmy, even if it was for Outstanding Hat Design or Outstanding Performance by a Monkey. then it was disqualified from our list.

One show not included in LOP’s countdown is The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. The show aired for 14 years and never won an Emmy. We left it off because its run ended in 1966. That was such a long time ago that anyone who remembers the show is either dead or too old to have an opinion that matters.
The show most associated with “never won an Emmy” was Murder, She Wrote. The Tiffany Network’s mystery drama aired for 12 years. Every year Angela Lansbury was nominated for an Emmy and every year she lost (0-12). Despite being a ratings getter for a dozen seasons, MSW won just two Emmys, one for Outstanding Music Composition for a Series and another for Outstanding Costume Design for a Series.

Shows that not only didn’t win an Emmy but never even received a nomination: “The Adventures of Superman,” “Baywatch,” “The Brady Bunch,” “Dennis the Menace,” “Drew Carey,” “Gilligan’s Island,” “Gomer Pyle,” “Green Acres,” “The Munsters” and “My Favorite Martian.”

Star Trek
The show was nominated for several Emmys—including Outstanding Dramatic Series (1967, 1968) and Outstanding Supporting Actor (Leonard Nimoy)—but never beamed up a trophy. No one disputes that’s it’s one of the most influential shows of all-time, but what is lost in mounds and mounds of pop culture is the fact that Star Trek was a really good television show.

NCIS
This awesome show has received just two Emmy nominations—one for Outstanding Stunt Coordination and one for Outstanding Guest Actor in A Drama Series (Charles Durning). How Michael Weatherly has gone seven seasons without a nomination is an abomination and Cote de Pablo should get one for hotness alone. Of course the Emmys stay away from shows like NCIS because it does well in the ratings.

The Wire
The Wire was broadcasted on HBO for five seasons and despite being critically acclaimed never won an Emmy. Land of Punt has never seen the show nor do we have any desire to see it. However, the show comes universally lauded and since it’s never won an Emmy, we decided to put it on the list. LOP just wants you to know that we appreciate things even if we don’t necessarily like them.

Newhart
Newhart was nominated for 25 Emmy Awards and won exactly zero. How can a show with Bob Newhart, Tom Poston, Julia Duffy and Peter Scolari come up bupkis? “This is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl” should have been worth an Emmy all by itself. And let’s not forget Newhart had the best finale EVER in the history of sitcoms.

Married… With Children
Married… With Children was the first prime time television series to air on the Fox Network. It ran for 11 seasons. There are 262 episodes chronicling the Bundy family. Yes, it was crass and objectionable, but it was also frickin’ hilarious. Despite the lack of Emmy’s, Married… With Children is still the best television show of all-time with an ellipsis in its title.

NCIS: Los Angeles is set to return to CBS on Sept. 21 with a new cast member that’s a familiar face.

Eric Christian Olsen has signed on as a series regular. The hunky blond actor plays LAPD undercover detective Marty Deeks and will appear in the show’s two-hour season premiere.

Olsen played Deeks, and did so with aplomb, in two episodes in season one.

“We are thrilled to have Eric join the cast,” said executive producer Shane Brennan. “He has already proved himself to be a great asset and invaluable member of the team, and Eric’s fans will be delighted to see what we have in store for him.”

Also announced, dark-haired beauty Alicia Coppola will guest star sometime in October. She’ll play FBI agent Amy Rand, an expert in kidnapping.

Coppola has previously appeared in both JAG and NCIS.

According to insiders, her character may return later in the season.

NCIS: Los Angeles was one of television’s best new shows in 2009-10. It was also one of the most watched programs finishing the season in ninth place in the ratings.

The show excelled from the very beginning and only got better when it killed off its weakest character in mid-season.

If you haven’t seen NCIS: Los Angeles you must rectify that problem. It’s one television’s best dramas.

Pauley Perrette will be back in the lab sipping “Caf-Pow” for NCIS’ eighth season.

The 41-year-old bombshell, who plays forensic scientist Abbey Sciuto in television’s most watched scripted show, has signed a multi-year contract to remain part of the NCIS team.

She joins Rocky Carroll (Leon Vance) and David McCallum (Dr. Ducky Mallard) as actors who have recently inked new deals.

Mark Harmon (Leroy Jethro Gibbs) and the scrumptious Cote de Pablo (Ziva David) are already under contract.

As of right now, the only two cast members without a contract for next season are Sean Murray and Michael Weatherly.

According to Entertainment Weekly, the actors who play Special Agents Timothy McGee and Tony DiNozzo, respectively, are still in negotiations. According to Land of Punt sources, their lack of contracts is a mere formality.

Perrette, along with Harmon, Weatherly, and McCallum, has been with the show since its inception.

NCIS’ spinoff, NCIS: Los Angeles was renewed for a second season by CBS way back in January.

Have you ever noticed that all of Tyler Perry’s works have “Tyler Perry’s” in front of the title?

Tyler Perry’s House of Payne.

Tyler Perry’s Diary Of A Mad Black Women.

It’s not that Tyler Perry isn’t talented or successful enough to have his name possess the title (he’s one of Hollywood’s highest paid talents), it’s just he doesn’t seem to have the star power or the tenure (yet). About the only time you see a name possess a title is when it involves Disney (Disney’s A Christmas Carol) or a famous dead author (Shakespeare’s Hamlet or H.G. Wells’ War of the World).

The Tyler Perry Syndrome came to our attention after seeing a poster selling tickets for Tyler Perry’s Madea’s One Big Happy Family. That stage production is currently touring the U.S. through May.

Land of Punt began to wonder what it would be like if more productions had the creator’s name possessing the title. Not obvious franchises like George Lucas’ Star Wars or Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek, but other works whose originator is far less known…

Anthony E. Zuiker’s CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

It doesn’t have quite the same ring does it? Zuiker claims he got the idea for CSI after watching The Discovery Channel’s The New Detectives. The Las Vegas resident was so new to television writing that his pilot script broke all the rules. However, that ignorance created the show’s unique storytelling style.

Stan Weston’s G.I. Joe

In 1963, toy creator Stan Weston came up with the idea of a creating a line of Barbie-sized dolls for boys. The prototypes were originally called “Rocky the Marine”, “Skip the Sailor”, and “Ace the Pilot.” Hasbro creative director Don Levine decided to call them “G.I. Joe” after the 1945 film The Story Of G.I. Joe.

Dick Wolf’s Law and Order

Wolf started his legendary television career as a writer for Steven Bochco’s Hill Street Blues. After that he moved to being the supervising producer for Anthony Yerkovich’s Miami Vice. In 1990, Wolf’s Law Order debuted on NBC. It’s now the second-longest-running drama in television history. It’s also spawned several spin-offs including Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and Law and Order: Criminal Intent.

Neal H. Moritz’s Fast And The Furious

Moritz didn’t create the Fast And The Furious franchise but he did produce all four films (as well as more than 70 others). It’s hard to put a creator’s name on a film franchises since Hollywood movies undergo so many rewrites and revisions. Good news for Fast and Furious fans, like LOP, a fifth incarnation is currently in the works.

Glen A. Larson’s Battlestar Galactica

Larson is probably more famous for creating Magnum P.I. and Knight Rider than he is for creating Battlestar Galactica. Then again the 1978 television series was nothing more than a Star Wars knock-off until reimagined by Ronald D. Moore and David Erick in 2003. Back in 1978, Larson’s B.G. had an unheard of budget of $1 million an episode. A member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Larson used themes from Mormon theology like the council of twelve, marriage for “time and eternity,” and Cylons. He also created the word “frak.”

Joel Surnow and Robert Cochran’s 24

Before introducing the world to Jack Bauer and kidnapping Elisha Cuthbert multiple times, Surnow and Cochran created the series Le Femme Nikita. Surnow has also worked on the Fox News Channel The Half Hour News Hour, Miami Vice, and The Equalizer. As for Cochran, he created a couple of other television shows, Company Man with David Ehrman and The Call with David Hemingson

Donald P. Bellisario’s NCIS

Bellisario helped Larson create Magnum P.I. and worked on the original Battlestar Galactica. He also created Airwolf, Qunatum Leap and J.A.G. (as well as the short lived Tales of the Gold Monkey). Bellisario created NCIS with Don McGill. The show, which was a spinoff of J.A.G., premiered in 2003. Interestingly, Bellisario did not create NCIS: LA. That show was created by Shane Brennan.

Generally, when we sit down for turkey dinner on Thanksgiving we give thanks for family, friends and good health. But secretively, we are thanking our great fortune for living in the era of the television, the greatest invention ever in the history of the universe.

In that vain, Land of Punt has complied of list of 10 things to be thankful about when it comes to good old tube. Narrowing the list to 10 was quite an arduous task as there are at least 83 things to be thankful about when it comes to TV. In fact, our list doesn’t even include one mention of The Mentalist!

USA NETWORK

How can the USA Network and NBC be owned by the same company? As bad as NBC is the USA Network is just as good. Led by the absolutely wonderful Burn Notice, USA Network has a slew of solid shows packed with great characters and intelligence (are you listening NBC?). Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Psych, In Plain Sight, Royal Pains, and White Collar comprise the network’s roster of original shows. As for syndication, the USA Network airs repeats of NCIS, House and Law and Order: SVU. The departure of Monk has us sad and depressed. We will miss the defective detective.

MAD MEN

You have to love a show set in an era when you could smoke anywhere and speak down to women. Those were the days. There’s no one cooler on television than Don Draper or handsomer than Jon Hamm (for the uninitiated, Draper is the character and Hamm is the actor that plays Draper). Meanwhile, actresses Christina Hendricks and January Jones are smoking (not literally). Quick aside, please don’t let January host SNL again. LOP is gleeful to see John Slattery in another successful show. Land of Punt has been a fan of his since he starred on Ed.

CBS’ ALPHABET SHOWS

They are not only some of the best shows on television but they are comfortable, comforting and a comfort. CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, NCIS, and NCIS: Los Angeles not only dominate the ratings but they dominate our DVR. Nothing beats a well-crafted procedural crime drama and no one does them better than the Tiffany Network’s plethora of initialisms.

GLEE

Every now and then a quirky little show comes along that captures our imagination. Currently, Fox’s musical dramedy Glee is that show. Glee gets a lot of attention because of the singing and dancing but if you took away the musical numbers, this would be one of the best pure dramas on television. It’s Shakespeare meets Gossip Girl meets Bones. And before we move on, everything Jane Lynch says is funny. Everything!

HBO & SHOWTIME

It’s television for people too cool and/or too arrogant to watch “normal” television. Sure those people say they love Entourage and Weeds but they really watch Numb3rs and The Big Bang Theory. All kidding aside, HBO and Showtime produce some of television’s best shows. They give creators an outlet to explore issues unsuitable for broadcast or cable networks. And they give television fans an alternative to the rash of formulaic shows littering the people’s airways.

TWO AND HALF MEN

Forget the smarmy and snarky 30 Rock, Two And A Half Men is television’s best comedy (and most watched). The unabashed sitcom is never apologetic, never sentimental, never delicate, and always funny. The show saved Charlie Sheen’s career, Jon Cryer is a comedic genius, and Angus T. Jones is the most powerful 16-year old in Hollywood. However, the funniest person on the show is Conchata Ferrell. She plays the housekeeper Berta. Every week we listen closely for the phrase that names the episode. When we hear it we laugh like school girls.

BLAKE LIVELY

Hubba. Hubba.

SPECIALTY NETWORKS

Land of Punt isn’t talking about WGN or TBS, we are talking about the likes of the Food Network, HGTV, Discovery, TLC, The Travel Network, ESPN, or The History Channel. Just about every major subject, genre, or activity has it’s own network. And every television watcher has their own specialty network. In fact, they’re are so many specialty networks they could be used as a personalty test. What specialty network are you?

CASTLE

Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) and Detective Kate Beckett (Stana Katic) have some of the best chemistry on television. The sexual tension between those two is palatable, you can cut it with a condom. Think Sam and Diana solving crimes and living in New York. The ABC show is funny, sweet, and has great ancillary characters. By the way, I should never live in a world where there isn’t a Fillion vehicle on television.

FOX NEWS CHANNEL

Sadly they are the only major news network that can lay claim to being fair and balance. They address stories and ask questions no one else will (ACORN, Van Jones, healthcare reform bills, etc…) and cover events and newsmakers unbiasedly (Tea Parties, Sarah Palin, etc…). They also have the best anchors, the best reporters, the best sets, and the best graphics around. Plus Neil Cavuto is dreamy.

Tony DiNozzo is portrayed by the dreamy Michael Weatherly and NCIS is the most watched show in America.

The former Hart to Hart star will play Daddy DiNozzo in the 150th episode of NCIS scheduled to air in January.

Wagner was seen last season in a story arc on CBS’ number one comedy, Two And A Half Men.

Incidentally, Weatherly portrayed Wagner in the 2004 TV movie The Mystery of Natalie Wood.

This is a stroke of casting genius. Not only does Wagner and Weatherly look like father and son, but they should have wonderfully chemistry.

Additionally, both actors have great comedic timing as well as the ability to pull of more dramatic moments.

Wagner isn’t the first distinguished actor to play the father of NCIS character. Michael Nouri played Ziva’s father and Ralph Waite played Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ dad.

Timothy McGee’s parents have not appeared on the show.

This article is indebted to Michael Ausiello of EW.com.

More specifically, Mark Harmon and Cote de Pablo appeared on the magazine’s cover. The stars were sitting on a scooter. Harmon looks like he had a little airbrushing done. They probably did the same to de Pablo but she looks fabulous nonetheless.

The text on the cover read:
Secrets of NCIS!
Inside TV’s NO. 1 Show
What’s next for Gibbs and Ziva
Plus: Food Fight at our photo shoot!

The magazine devoted four pages to the show. The article, “NCIS Takes The Cake” was written by Chris Willman. It was an informative and honest write up.

The article features quotes from Harmon, de Pablo and Michael Weatherly.

We learned that Harmon has a lot in common with Gibbs but is much more of a prankster. During the photo shoot Harmon playfully shoved de Pablo’s face into a giant cake. While the crew was shocked, de Pablo said, “That is so Mark.”

The article’s main focus was how NCIS in its seventh year has defied critics and reached the top spot in the ratings. The article noted, that in its early years the show had a reputation for being your grandmother and grandfather’s favorite program. That may sound harsh but it’s an accurate observation. The show’s ascension to number, at least according to the article, was their ability to move beyond that reputation.

Weatherly is quoted as noticing more and more young people getting into NCIS and he also credits Harmon for much of the show’s success. He even calls Harmon the “Ratings Whisperer.”

As for spoilers, we learned that NCIS will focus more on Gibbs and Ziva’s backstory as well as their father-daughter relationship. We will also get to see Gibbs’ living room. Of course that came true last night in the seventh season episode, “Outlaws and In-Laws.”

The article was about 500 words too short but then again that’s not so much the fault of the TV Guide just our desire to hear more about television’s number one show.

After all, Land of Punt doesn’t like Halloween. We’re not partial to the frights, the chills and the entire scariness of the holiday.

We especially don’t like dressing up for Halloween. Most costumes make us feel self conscious and ridiculous. They are generally hot and uncomfortable and made doubly so if makeup is necessary. And let’s not forget that most costumes are incredibly expensive.

While it may seem fun, dressing up for the holiday can be quite restrictive. For instance, say you’re driving home from a Halloween party in your full zombie costume and you suddenly realize that you’re out of coffee creamer. Do you risk embarrassment and enter the grocery store dressed like the walking dead? Or do you waste half you evening going home and changing into something more supermarket-appropriate?

It’s a problem we encounter almost every year.

However, some times you just can’t get out of dressing up. Some Halloweens you’re invited to a costume ball that you must attend (i.e. spouse or wife makes you go). What do you wear when that happens?

Well, Land of Punt has complied a list of easy and inexpensive costumes. These outfits are completely suitable for making runs to the supermarket or just sitting in chair. Basically, wearing one of these costumes won’t make you feel like a total idiot.

What’s even better, these costumes allow you to be your favorite television character. That’s infinitely better than other cheap costume ideas like wearing one sock and going as “man with one sock” or putting a sticky note on your chest and going as “bulletin board person,” or going hatless and saying you’re “woman who had hat stolen.”

Try one of these costume ideas and you’re sure to have a respectful and tolerable Halloween.

Mad Men

What to wear: An old suit, preferably something your deceased grandfather or great uncle once wore. Ask your Gogo, she’s probably has at least one of your pop-pop’s suits in the back of her closet, hopefully a Devore. If you’re not opposed to spending a few bucks you can purchase a suit at a thrift store. Once you throw the suit on, slick the hair back, and you’re ready to go.

Comfort Rating: Low. You have to wear a suit, tie and dress shoes. If you’d rather not dress like you’re going to church, or to a Dick Haymes concert, you might want to skip this costume altogether.

Recognition Factor: Low. However when you tell people who you are they will be impressed. Mad Men is the New Yorker of television.

Upside: You get to smoke and act like a male chauvinist pig. Those were the days.

Frank Rossitano from 30 Rock

What to wear: A trucker hat with a saying on the crown, we suggest either “Halloween Costume,” “Land of Punt,” or “Mutant Diary Farmer,” and big black rimmed glasses. Don’t be afraid to knock the lenses out of a cheap pair of black sunglasses. Other that it’s jeans and an old t-shirt. You can even let yourself go. This is a great costume for those with long, scraggly, black hair and a three-day old beard.

Comfort Rating: High. Unless hats and glasses bother you.

Recognition Factor: High. People will recognize you instantly and say “I love 30 Rock” (and unlike Man Men, they’ve actually seen this show) but they will call you Lutz, Toofer, or Hornberger.

Upside: Remove the hat and glasses and you stop becoming a dork in a Halloween costume and return to being just a dork.

Glee

What to wear: Just about every character in Glee is a possibility. Each one wears normal clothes and yet wears them in such a way that they are highly recognizable. Results may vary, and depending on what’s in your closet, and what you look like, you could be anything from a Mercedes to an Artie.

We chose Sue Sylvester, Rachel Berry, and Will Schuester. For Sylvester, you’ll need a track suit. For Berry, you’ll need a mid-thigh skirt, those ultra sexy knee high socks (we can say that, the actress who plays Rachel is 23) and a cardigan. Mr. Schuester is all about tweeds, jeans, and vests. Don’t forget the satchel, the brown paper sack, and the thermos. Acafellas here we come.

Comfort Rating: High. Unless of course you go as Kurt after he’s had a slushy bath.

Recognition Factor: Medium. Higher if you can dance and sing. “Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it..”

Upside: You’ll be living out our your Glee fantasy.

Former Unit Chief Aaron “Hotch” Hotchner from Criminal Minds

What to wear: To be a Mad Men you needed an old, Rat Pack-ish suit. To be “Hotch” you’ll need an ordinary, boring, dark suit, think insurance salesmen with a gun. You went to your Grampy’s closet for Mad Men, for Hotchner you’ll need to go to your dad’s wardrobe, or worse yet, your own closet. You’ll also need to make a FBI lanyard. Don’t do too good of a job on this prop or you’ll get arrested for impersonating an FBI agent. Finally, dye your hair black and refrain from smiling.

Comfort Rating: Medium. It all depends on the suit and whether or not you elect to take the costume all the way and pack a glock.

Recognition Factor: Low. However, unlike Frank from 30 Rock and Mad Men, people actually watch Criminal Minds.

Upside: Since you’re not supposed to smile when playing FBI Agent Aaron Hotcher, this is perfect if you’re in a bad mood. Say you’re in a bad mood because you have to dress up and attend a stupid Halloween party. Remove the fake FBI lanyard and you’re just a dude wearing a suit.

Dr. House

What to wear: A sports jacket, causal men’s shirt or a rock t-shirt (layers), sneakers and a cane. The cane is key. You must have a simple candy-cane shaped wooden cane and walk with a limp. This costume is perfect for skinny, tall men. It’s especially perfect for a British man that can speak with an American accent.

Comfort Rating: Off the charts.

Recognition Factor: Medium. If you look anything at all like Hugh Laurie, it’s off the charts.

Upside: Popping Vicodin and knowing that you’ve probably seen Miranda Richardson naked.

Jim Halpert, The Office; Jethro Gibbs, NCIS; or Emily Prentiss, Criminal Minds

What to wear: This costume involves the use of modeling putty, you can get it at a Halloween store, theater make-up store or on-line. Use the putty to make a prosthetic nose that mimics the schnauze of either Halpert, Gibbs or Prentiss. These three characters all have recognizable proboscis as well as super-easy-to-duplicate attire.

Comfort Rating: High. Minus the fact that you have to wear a prosthetic nose.

Recognition Factor: Low. Especially if you don’t nail the characters’ look (Gibbs must wear a black windbreaker!)

Upside: Just remove the modeling putty (as well as Gibbs’ or Prentiss’ lanyard) and you’re no longer in a ridiculous Halloween costume.

Shawn and/or Gus from Pysch

What to wear: Great idea if you’re part of a pair of interracial best friends. The white dude should dress like they went on an Old Navy shopping spree (bright colors) and the black dude should dress like he went on a shopping spree at Sears (belt it). Don’t forget the pineapples! Also, if you’re playing Shawn make sure you have crunchy hair.

Comfort Rating: High.

Recognition Factor: Low. Almost zero if you’re just a white guy or just a black guy, or just two white guys, or just two black guys, or one of you is Asian.

Upside: Eat the pineapples and you immediately look like dudes prowling for chicks at an Applebees.

Brenda Leigh Johnson from The Closer

What to wear: You’ll need three things: 1) a shirt, blouse, and sweater combo of the pastel persuasion with a cute pair of Ann Taylor pumps. 2) A large oversized black handbag. 3) Chocolates or other assorted treats. Great costume idea if you’re an abnormally skinny 40-something woman, you can speak with a southern accent, or you’re married to Kevin Bacon.

Comfort Rating: High.

Recognition Factor: Depends. Goes up if you’re an attractive blonde goes exponentially down if you look like Provenza or Flynn.

Upside: Away from the party you’re just a hot MILF.

While there were a few good lines (most delivered by Tracy) and one good bit (Jenna doing a Sunday Night Football opening for offseason tennis) the show was sluggish, banal and preachy.

In a bit of self deprecation, half of the show’s plot revolved around the TGS (the show within the show) trying to get in touch with Real America or Middle America.

When Jack used the term “Real America,” Liz smarmily said, “that’s a nonsense term, all of America is America.” True, but Tine Fey and her ilk will never be mistaken for “Real Americans.”

To get in touch with those mouth breathers in the fly over states, Jenna launched a country music career and Tracy went to the streets to reconnect. The situations that resulted were short on laughs and long on condescension.

The fictional drive to reach “Middle Americans” is of course 30 Rock answering its critics, or at least answering the executives at NBC. 30 Rock and its values, or lack thereof, don’t connect with “Real Americans” and its ratings prove that.

Last night’s 4th season premiere garnered a measly 6.3 million viewers (that’s 2.1 million per Best Comedy Emmy Award). NCIS: Pensacola gets better numbers.

30 Rock narrowly edged Fox’s Fringe, one of the worst shows on television, for third place. CSI and Grey’s Anatomy more than doubled the number of 30 Rock viewers.

Another plot in last night’s 4th season debut involved a page strike. This labor stoppage occurred when Kenneth learned that Jack received a healthy bonus despite the edict that NBC pages would no longer be paid overtime. This storyline had even less laughs than Tracy and Jenna’s exploits and was even more condescending. If 30 Rock didn’t have so much contempt for the average American, then the page stike might have actually been funny.

Meanwhile, Liz was indignant because she had to hire a new actor for the show. Not only was this situation completely un-relatable, but Liz reacted to it by doing nothing but whining and moaning. It became very annoying very quickly.

Sadly, 30 Rock had fewer laughs and more preaching than ever before. If the trend continues, as well as the pathetic ratings, 30 Rock’s 4th season debut will be its last. And that’s okay with us.

These police polaroids appeared immediately after a commercial break and did so only briefly. If you were getting a beverage or slow on the DVR remote you may have even missed them.

Believing that our favorite NCIS agents had rather amusing looks on their faces, we decided to extract their mug shots from the show and post them here on Land of Punt.

If you missed the episode, do not worry. This wasn’t a plot point and it had very little to do with the main story. In fact, their arrest was basically expunged by the end of the show.