After a rather disjointed appearance last week as a Red Eye table guest, Larry Gatlin returned to the show (via a pre-recorded segment) on May 5, 2010. Needless to say, Gatlin returned with vengeance.

The country music legend performed his very own Red Eye Song. Gatlin is the fourth artist to perform a song dedicated to the best 3am gabfest in the history of basic cable.

Gatlin’s song was funny and extremely well written. In terms of overall quality, his ditty must rank as the pinnacle of all the Red Eye Songs. However, Land of Punt deducts points because the song doesn’t reference Red Eye. There’s no mention of Greg Gutfeld, Bill Schulz, Andy Levy, or unicorns.

Previously, Mike Estes, Train, and Andrew W.K. have appeared on the show to sing tribute.

Due to Fox News Channel’s in-depth coverage of the Time Square bomb plot, the Monday edition of Red Eye was preempted. Instead, Tuesday’s show was comprised of segments from Monday as well as newly recorded bits.

Guests on the Monday-Tuesday hybrid were the hilarious Jim Norton, the brillant Ann Coulter, and the absolutely delicious Juliet Huddy.

Click Hear for Audio File of Larry Gatlin’s Red Eye Song

Griffons suck.

Hear The Other Red Eye Songs
Mike Estes’s Red Eye The Song (VIDEO)
Train’s Red Eye Song (VIDEO)
Andrew W.K.’s Red Eye Song (VIDEO)

Larry Gatlin’s Red Eye Song

Rocker Andrew W.K. has written and performed his very own Red Eye song.

This is the third Red Eye song to premiere this month. On April 7th, Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Mike Estes started the trend by performing his rollicking version. Then on April 20th, the San Francisco adult contempo band Train rocked the Red Eye studio with their own anthem.

On the Monday edition of Red Eye, Andrew W.K. joined host Greg Gutfeld and sidekick Bill Schulz in a new segment called “Andrew W.K. Party The News, Hard.”

The segment saw Greg reading news stories to Andrew W.K. who then sang about them. Andrew W.K. accompanied himself on the guitar.

The segment needs some work. However, Land of Punt is open to giving it another go as Andrew W.K. is one of our favorite Red Eye regulars.

As the segment ended, Andrew W.K. was asked to perform a Red Eye song that mentioned Greg looks good in jeans and Bill smells like a cadaver.

Sadly, a relatively large chunk of the song was muted. The part of song silenced discussed Andy Levy, his pants, and ladies.

LOP believes that in addition to the muting, there was also a large chunk of the song deleted.

“We’ll fix it in editing.”

Red Eye is everyone’s favorite 3 am gabfest. It airs on Fox News Channel.

Griffons suck!

Click Hear for Audio File of Andrew WK’s Red Eye Song

Hear The Other Red Eye Songs
Mike Estes’s Red Eye The Song (VIDEO)

Train’s Red Eye Song (VIDEO)

Andrew W.K.’s Red Eye Song

First it was former Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Mike Estes and now it’s rock band Train. Seemingly everyone is writing a Red Eye song!

On the April 20th episode of Red Eye, host Greg Gutfeld and sidekick Bill Schulz welcomed Patrick Monahan and Jimmy Stafford of the San Francisco adult contempo band, Train.

The duo played two songs during their appearance on everyone’s favorite 3am FNC talk show. They played their smash hit “Hey, Soul Sister” and a song about “Red Eye” (both performances can be seen below).

Monahan and Stafford’s “Red Eye Song” was every bit as good as Estes’ ditty even if the Train couple went the more esoteric route.

The best part about their performance was Monahan’s t-shirt which featured a large image of himself. Both the shirt and Monahan had matching sunglasses.

In between songs, Monahan and Stafford spoke with Greg and Bill. Land of Punt learned that Train is one of the rare bands that increases their likability during interviews.

Generally most rock bands and pop artists hurt their themselves the second they open their mouths. Train’s two frontmen did no such thing.

Monahan also sat at the table for the entire episode taking the Monday spot usually frequented by Jim Norton. The sultry singer was well-spoken, intelligent, and funny. He was a delightful and handsome addition to Fox News Channel’s Red Eye. Hopefully he’ll return soon.

Also on the show were comedian Joe Derosa and the always scrumptious Diana Falzone.

Griffons suck.

Train’s Red Eye Song

Soul Sister

Is there a worse insult than being called Chris Matthews? Well, besides being called Rachel Maddow?

Thursday, during the Glenn Beck Show, Fox News Channel anchor, the fabulous Patti Anne Brown (also known as Notorious P.A.B.) accidently called venerated newsman Chris Wallace, “Chris Matthews.”

On the Friday edition of cable’s best 3am talk show, Red Eye, TV’s Andy Levy asked PAB about the incident.

Brown claimed she was suffering from a “blinding migraine” and barely knew what she was talking about.

Incidentally, the same can be said about Chris Matthews.

According to Brown, she apologized to Wallace as soon as she could and he graciously accepted.

Obviously PAB knows the difference between Chris Wallace and “Chris Matthews.” She just made a mistake, a very embarrassing mistake that the internet, and the trolls who feast on its entrails, won’t soon forget.

Basically, FNC bashers will use this incident to bash FNC. However, if Chris Matthews was introduced as Chris Wallace on MSNBC, the offending anchor would be fired or at least forced to wear something backless and made out of latex.

PAB should be forgiven as this is not indicative of her enormous talents. She’s a bright, polished, and respectable journalist who just happened to make a silly error.

By the way, the video below references a guffaw made by Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld. That guffaw took place earlier in the show when Gutfeld said the word “c*ck” instead of the word “Coke.”

Also of note, “Notorious P.A.B.” is a spoof of the name “Notorious B.I.G.” The real name of rapper Notorious B.I.G. is Chris Wallace.

One more thing, griffons suck.

It originally aired Wednesday April 7th, 2010 but was preempted by Fox News Channel’s coverage of the West Virginia mining disaster. So to satisfy their tens of fans, Red Eye re-aired the segment the following day, April 8th.

What did they re-air?

Well, everyone’s favorite 3am gabfest, Red Eye, welcomed former Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Mike Estes who has written, performed, and recorded “The Red Eye Song.”

According to Red Eye host Greg Gutfeld the song is from 1977 but Land of Punt believes that announcement was in error.

The studio version of “The Red Eye Song” was played coming out of the break and then Estes treated Red Eye viewers to an unplugged version.

The long-hair Estes, who sounds like a character from The Simpsons, claims to be a big fan of Red Eye and said he watches it almost all night.

Bill Shulz asked if TV’s Andy Levy was last because Estes liked him least or because “Andy” easy to rhyme.

Estes said TV’s Andy Levy was last because his first name was easier to rhyme with. However, when pressed, he did admit to disliking TV’s Andy Levy.

The delightful and effervescent Estes performed with Lynyrd Skynyrd in the mid-1990′s and is now the lead singer and guitarist for the southern rock band Skinny Molly (previously seen on Huckabee). At Gutfeld’s request, Estes played a little bit of the solo from “Freebird.”

To learn more about Skinny Molly check out their website skinnymollyrocks.com.

Click here to hear studio version of the The Red Eye Song.

For the Monday, March 29, 2010 edition of Red Eye, former CIA agent and Diligence president Mike Baker filled in for television’s Andy Levy.

Andy was off doing inappropriate things with his cats while shirtless and wearing chaps.

Baker was a fabulous as Red Eye’s resident ombudsman if by fabulous you mean awful.

His appearance was anything but appearancy as it was wrought with superfluous “ah’s,” annoying “uh’s,” and way too much stuttering (please see the video below).

Land of Punt never thought LOP would ever write this, but LOP wants Andy Levy back

Now if you recall, Backer once filled in for host Greg Gutfeld when Greg had to take his house boy to the urologist.

Surprisingly, Baker did “Gutfeld” better than he did “Levy.” Then again, who doesn’t?

Now, if Mike Baker was a video game system we’d play with his joystick all night but we’d prefer he’d appear on cable television’s best 3 am gabfest as a guest ONLY.

Unfortunately, it appears Baker will be filling in for TV’s Andy Levy all week. Hopefully, Andy Levy will get sick of his cats, or his cats will get sick from Andy, and he’ll return as sooner than expected.

Griffons Suck!

By the way, do you like S.E. Cupp without her spectacles? Land of Punt is not sure if LOP does.

3-31-10/22:45

For the Tuesday edition of Red Eye, Mike Baker was as good as he was bad the night before. The reason for the huge difference in quality was the fact that Mike Baker did Mike Baker. He did not try to be Andy Levy. Baker did the ombudsmaning his way and it worked. It was one of the greatest turn arounds in television history.

On the February 16th, 2010 edition of Red Eye, sidekick Bill Schulz announced to the world, as well as late night talk show enthusiasts everywhere, that his actual sexuality is “boy?”

To get the full effect of his startling revelation, including the proper voice inflexion and the correct way to shrug one’s shoulders when uttering the unique gender condition, please see the video located below.

Schulz made this announcement after a viewer called him a “lady boy” in an email. Troll-like host Greg Gutfeld postulated that Schulz was not a “lady boy” but in fact a “boy-lady,” the kind that likes to eat worms by a creek.

That was the atmosphere surrounding Schulz when he made his fateful decision to step forward and set the record straight… so to speak.

The best part about his brave and creepy disclosure was the adorable Jill Dobson. As Schulz told Red Eye viewers about a website they could visit for more information about “boys?” Dobson pantomimed a question mark. It was precious.

Just one more thing, griffons suck.

It’s the best talking panel on the Fox News Channel. It’s the yappy round-table of crapy basic cable. The show is so entertaining, Entertainment Tonight is now called “Red Eye Tonight.”

Yes, I’m writing about Red Eye, Fox’s preeminent 3am talk show. The program that puts the “vuto” into Cavuto celebrated it’s 3rd anniversary Friday night (February 5th, 2010).

Apparently the people in the country of Hawaii honored the show by singing “Jive Talkin’,” the classic song from KISS‘ album Frampton Comes Alive.

To commemorate the occasion, Red Eye aired two montages of past moments. Land of Punt, that’s a website, has combined the two sets of clips into a single set of clips. That single set of clips can be seen below, seen belowers.

The most glaring difference between the show then and the show now, is Andy Levy’s hair. It looks more lesbian than ever.

Host Greg Gutfeld (if he was a story I would give him a happy ending) and sidekick Bill Schulz, (the sequential hermaphrodite), haven’t changed one iota although their schtick has improved slightly (at least on a good night).

Guests for the 3rd anniversary show were funny man Paul Mecurio, blogger babe Mary Katharine-Ham (M-Cat), and the lovely Barret Swatek. Robot Theater also made an appearance. I’ll get the lotion.

Red Eye is an hour long talk show where a panel of guests opine on the news of the day. While the show is generally quite silly it’s also very intelligent. The guests are usually well informed and their opinions are generally cogent.

Staples of Red Eye include the Greg-alogue, The Halftime Report With TV’s Andy Levy, homoeroticism, cute animal videos, Robot Theater, Schulz On The Street, and Messages For Greg.

If you don’t like this article than you’re probably a racist.

Griffins suck.

Fox News Channel’s pithy late night gabfest, Red Eye, now has a new desk. Not a news desk, but a new desk (actually it’s more like a table). This new “table” now seats four or three human beings and one Bill Schulz.

The desk looks similar to the previous desk only larger. It’s so big that it really makes troll-like host Greg Gutfeld look like a troll.

The table debuted on Red Eye’s February 1st, 2010 show. The new furniture housed, from right to left looking at the television screen, S.E. Cupp, Schulz, Ellis Henican, and Jim Norton.

It’s unclear whether this will eliminate the famous Red Eye “satellite guest.” While the show books guests located in other parts of the world it often seats a fourth guest in the news room and then pretends they are extremely far away.

It’s also murky whether this new four-person desk is boon or a bust, although it did cause at least one production blunder. The table’s premiere show was of very low quality (even for Red Eye) but Land of Punt couldn’t tell if it was caused by the quartet-enabled sitting appliance or the God-awful politics of Ellis Henican.

LOP also wonders whether or not the new four-person table will lead to a panel of five with the fifth guest joining the fray via satellite. We can only hope.

What would be miraculous is if the Red Eye carpenters devised a table with two “leg positions.”

Levy’s outburst came during the Halftime Report when he was performing his duties as ombudsman. The story in question concerned bible verses imprinted on military rifles.

Schulz was trying to tell Levy the only good time to use bible verses. Levy was having none of it and moved on, ignoring the homeless hermaphrodite. A few moments later, Schulz returned to his bit and that’s when Levy, in a near-rage, unleashed his diabolical language.

TV’s Levy seemed generally upset although Schulz took the saucy chatter in stride (he is used to it). While it was certainly part of the show, Land of Punt believes Levy’s frustration was more fact than fiction. After all, Red Eye’s handsome ombudsman lacks the talent to convincingly act perturbed and he definitely looked perturbed (see video below).

Maybe this is an escalation of the tension (sexual) that has been percolating between Messrs. Levy and Schulz since the Mike Baker-Saran wrap incident of ’09. Maybe Levy’s short fuse can be attributed to problems with his cats. Pixel can be quite a handful.

By the way, the only time it’s appropriate to use a bible verse in public is in lieu of a tip.