Morrissey: Ten Things He’ll Do Once He’s Retired

Morrissey rock concerts
Morrissey: Ten Things He’ll Do Once He’s Retired

Leave it to Morrissey. He certainly does things his way.

This summer Morrissey is launching a fairly extensive tour of North America. He has scheduled 33 dates with the first planned for Boston on Oct. 5. His sojourn ceases on Dec. 8 in Atlantic City.

Moz visits cities you’d expect a legend of his caliber to visit—New York, Chicago, Las Angeles. However, he also rolls into backwater places you’d never guess would host a rock concert by the one and only Steven Patrick Morrissey (by the way, every article about Morrissey is bound by Geneva Conventions to include his full name).

These Podunk towns include Flint, Michigan; Bellingham, Washington; Portland, Oregon; Davis, California; Lincoln, Nebraska; Pharr, Texas; and North Bethesda, Maryland.

On Oct. 30, he’ll visit the podunkiest of all towns: Clear Lake, Iowa. That settlement has a population of 8,000 and only five Starbucks! However, it is home to the Surf Ballroom, the last venue to host a Buddy Holly concert.

Twenty-five days later, Morrissey will headline a show at Staples Center, an area that seats 20,000. Opening that night will be Iggy Pop & Stooges.

Other venues on Big M’s itinerary include the Wang Theatre, Radio City Music Hall, and Chicago Theatre.

Mo-Mo’s route is quite unique and not something you see every day. In other words, it’s typical Mo-sicle.

Fans should make a point of seeing Morris live and in person when he ventures into their part of the world. The 53-year-old crooner says he’ll retire at the tender age of 55.

During an interview earlier this month, Morrissey said he’s noticed that he’s aged a lot recently and can’t see himself singing rock music for much longer. He also mentioned “body changes” (TMI!). He went on to say that there’s nothing he can do about the ravages of time and he’s fortunate to have lasted as long as he’s lasted.

Morrissey retired? What exactly will the bard of rock and roll do? Below, Land of Punt enumerates ten things Morrissey will do when he hangs up the mic and saunters into the melancholy sunset.

Ten Things Morrissey Will Do Once He’s Retired

  • Grow maudlin about his days with The Smiths.
  • Wear a trucker hat on the very top of his head and a windbreaker everywhere he goes.
  • Prank call Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet and ask him how his career is doing.
  • Go RVing.
  • Decoupage. Decoupage. Decoupage.
  • Finally get around to writing “Meat is Murder” children’s book.
  • Contemplate the great beyond and our place in the universe everyday while walking at the mall.
  • Decipher what in the hell his lyrics mean.
  • Invent time machine to go back in time and stop t.A.T.u. from covering “How Soon Is Now.”
  • Fish the Thames.

Morrissey’s North American Tour Schedule
>>Oct. 5: Boston, MA @ Wang Theatre
>>Oct. 6: Waterbury, CT @ Palace Theater
>>Oct. 10: New York, NY @ Radio City Music Hall
>>Oct. 15: Portland, MA @ State Theatre
>>Oct. 16: Burlington, VT @ Flynn Center for the Performing Arts
>>Oct. 18: Albany, NY @ Palace Theatre
>>Oct. 19: Niagara Falls, NY @ Rapids Theatre
>>Oct. 23: Pittsburgh, PA @ Heinz Hall
>>Oct. 24: Columbus, OH @ LC Indoor Pavilion
>>Oct. 26: Flint, MI @ James H Whiting Auditorium
>>Oct. 27: Chicago, IL @ Chicago Theatre
>>Oct. 29: Minneapolis, MN @ Orpheum Theatre
>>Oct. 30: Clear Lake, IA @ Surf Ballroom
>>Nov. 1: Lincoln, NE @ Rococo Theatre
>>Nov. 3: Denver, CO @ Ellie Caulkins Opera House
>>Nov. 4: Salt Lake City, UT @ Kingsbury Hall at University of Utah
>>Nov. 8: Seattle, WA @ Moore Theatre
>>Nov. 10: Bellingham, WA @ Mount Baker Theatre
>>Nov. 11: Portland, OR @ Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall
>>Nov. 14: Davis, CA @ Robert Mondavi Center at UC Davis
>>Nov. 16: San Francisco, CA @ Davies Symphony Hall
>>Nov. 17: Reno, NV @ John Ascuaga’s Nugget – Rose Ballroom
>>Nov. 21: Tempe, AZ @ Marquee Theater
>>Nov. 23: Las Vegas, NV. @ The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas at The Chelsea Ballroom
>>Nov. 24: Los Angeles, CA @ Staples Center Arena
>>Nov. 27: El Paso, TX @ Tricky Falls
>>Nov. 28: Wichita Falls, TX @ Kay Yeager Coliseum
>>Nov. 30: Pharr, TX @ Pharr Entertainment Center
>>Dec. 1: Beaumont, TX @ Jefferson Theatre
>>Dec. 3: Atlanta, GA @ Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre
>>Dec. 5: Asheville, NC @ Orange Peel
>>Dec. 7: North Bethesda, MD @ The Music Center at Strathmore
>>Dec. 8: Atlantic City, NJ @ Showboat Resort and Casino – House of Blues

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