Jeff Foxworthy: His 10 Funniest Jokes

Jeff Foxworthy: His 10 Funniest Jokes

For a redneck, Jeff Foxworthy sure is busy.

His “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader” just began another season of syndication and he’s set to appear on three upcoming episodes of the ABC’s reality competition “Shark Tank.”

A devoted father, Foxworthy is always active in the lives of his two daughters, Jordan and Julianne. He’s also been married (Pamela Gregg) for more than 25 years.

On top of his family and television commitments, Foxworthy will be intermittingly out on the road over the course of the next year. He has nearly 30 shows scheduled for the rest of 2010 and all of 2011—of course additional dates could be added at anytime.

The 52-year old country bumpkin from Hapeville, Georgia will be performing his hilarious brand of home-spun comedy all over the United States and Canada.

According to his website, Jeff Foxworthy tickets generally go on sale five weeks before a show.

Foxworthy was part of the insanely successful Blue Collar Comedy Tour with fellow redneck comedians Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, and Ron White. Foxworthy, who is also a successful author and a radio host, is the best-selling comedy recording artist of all-time.

If you live in North America, chances are pretty good that Foxworthy is headed to your neck of the woods sometime in the upcoming year. So to tide you over until you can see him live, Land of Punt has put together a list of Foxworthy’s ten funniest jokes.

Now, these jokes have one huge caveat. None of them are of the “you might be a redneck if…” variety. LOP decided to omit those classic one-liners since they’ve been thoroughly documented in other media.

Also, we wanted to highlight the fact that Foxworthy is a truly brilliant and hilarious stand-up comedian even when he’s not doing his most famous shtick.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother—you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

  • Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?

  • If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, “you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.”

  • Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been givin’ me lately.

  • Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

  • You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not ‘professional’ any more.

  • Do you know why it’s so hard to solve a Redneck murder? ‘Cause there’s no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

  • I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

  • Why is it when a woman gets in the bed the temperatures of her feet and butt drop to below freezing?

  • I believe if you can’t say something nice about someone you must be talking about Hilary Clinton.

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