Jerry Seinfeld: Top 16 Quotes

Jerry Seinfeld: Top 16 Quotes

Jerry Seinfeld is currently out on the road performing his stand-up act.

The 56-year-old comedian is playing a slew of shows all across the country this fall and winter.

Fans can get tickets to see Jerry Seinfeld in concert in Atlantic City, Phoenix, Jacksonville, Baltimore—just to name a few of the stops from his itinerary.

Seinfeld’s last shows of the year are in Las Vegas at Caesars Palace on Dec. 26 and 27.

Meanwhile, his latest television project, “The Marriage Ref,” returns to NBC this upcoming television season. Despite low ratings and bad reviews, the show, which helps married couples decide arguments, received the green-light from peacock executives for a second run.

Seinfeld is a legend. He’s one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all-time and his television show, Seinfeld, is a true-classic that revolutionized the sitcom genre.

Due to Seinfeld’s ascension into the rarified air of pop culture immortality, what he says, no matter how mundane or innocuous, is always noteworthy.

This is evident by the numerous Web pages dedicated to Seinfeld quotations. These sites contain remarks taken from Seinfeld’s television show, his stand-up routines, and his writings.

Unfortunately, many of these sites rehash the same quotes over and over again. It appears as if Webmasters are content to cut and paste instead of finding new Seinfeld adages.

So to further the tradition of chronicling Seinfeld-speak, Land of Punt has culled the internet to find 16 additional “Jerry gems.”

The following 16 quotes were taken from Seinfeld interviews dating back to 2003.

  • “I can’t curb my enthusiasm for Larry David.”
    – On the Record with Bob Costas, 2003
  • “Funny translates to every language, every demographic.”
    – Larry King Live, 2005
  • “Being on this show doesn’t make me want to return to TV. It doesn’t even make me want to do this show.”
    – Talkshow with Spike Feresten, 2006
  • “I was the number one show on television, Larry. Do you know who I am?”
    – Larry King Live, 2007
  • “I was actually very scared to even take on the idea of writing a movie. It just seemed long, and I was a little bit intimidated, so I thought let me get some buddies of mine around—at least we can talk about sports.”
    – IGN, 2007
  • “You know, in stand-up you just tell the funny part. But in a movie, the audience demands that you tell them some sort of story that makes sense. And this is a tremendous handicap for me.”
    – NPR, 2007
  • “I kind of took myself out of the kind of main cliques of the school, because I didn’t feel comfortable… I was kind of sensitive, and I couldn’t take the scapegoating and the roughhousing and the cigarettes and the ‘let’s get beers.’ It wasn’t for me, that world. I didn’t feel comfortable.”
    – Parade, 2007
  • Seinfeld: “It’s a computer animation; do you know this type of movie?”
    Peres: “No, I don’t.”
    Seinfeld: “You just stay in this room?”
    – Conversation with Israel President Shimon Peres, 2007
  • “When you’re in comedy, people always come up and say, ‘Oh, it must be so hard.’ It really isn’t hard unless you’re not good at it. If you can do it, it’s really kind of fun and easy.”
    – LA Times, 2008
  • “Do you find that other people’s kids never look quite right?”
    – Late Show with David Lettermen, 2008
  • “Two kids were in my closet last night, naked. And they were sitting on my garment bag. And I said, ‘Don’t get your butt crack juice on my garment bag.’ Now, I just made that up, you know. I don’t know what ‘butt crack juice’ is, but I knew anything with butt, crack is going to get a big laugh. And of course they fell over.”
    – Time Magazine, 2008
  • “Having a girlfriend is like playing whiffle ball. B eing married is the war in Iraq.”
    – Autism Speaks Benefit at Carnegie Hall, 2009
  • “Haven’t you found as a married man when you sit with other guys and they tell you what’s going on in their marriage the worse it is the more you laugh?
    – The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 2010
  • “Here’s the most interesting thing about the show [The Marriage Ref] to me—couples in fights perform. Regular people that are so boring that you would never want to spend 10 seconds with them, when they are fighting, they are hilarious. They say funny things in funny ways, like the way you would want an actor to do it. That’s what’s been the most interesting discovery of the show. These couples are funny.”
    – Breezy Mama, 2010
  • “Who else could be a memorable character on a television show without actually appearing on the show? You felt George [Steinbrenner] even though he wasn’t there”
    – Various new agencies, 2010
  • “This woman [Lady Gaga} is a jerk. I hate her. I can’t believe they put her in my box, which I paid for.”
    – WFAN, 2010

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