Iron Man 2 Dominates Weekend Box Office, But Still Flops Big

Iron Man 2 Dominates Weekend Box Office, But Still Flops Big

Iron Man 2 earned $133.6 million domestically over its opening weekend.

It crushed its nearest competition, A Nightmare on Elm Street ($9.1 million) by a 14-1 margin.

Big “Tony Starkin'” deal!

Iron Man 2 versus A Nightmare on Elm Street is like the Cleveland Cavaliers taking on the St. Ignatius School of the Blind (girls team).

It’s no competition.

The prize for the Robert Downey Jr. sequel was not just a $100-plus opening take or even the top spot at the weekend B.O.

The goal for Iron Man 2 was the record books. Just like the goal for the Cavaliers is winning the NBA Championship. Anything short of that is failure.

Guess what? Iron Man 2 failed.

Iron Man 2 finished well behind The Dark Knight (2008) and its $158.4 opening weekend rake. In fact, Iron Man 2 also failed to surpass Spider-Man 3 (2007), The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009), and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006).

Iron Man 2 couldn’t out draw a movie made in 2006!?! That’s embarrassing. There are teenagers seeing movies today that weren’t even driving in 2006.

It’s especially embarrassing when you consider the IM2 adds the star power of Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson, Mickey Rourke, Don Cheadle, and Sam Rockwell.

Basically, this is the cinematic equivalent of this year’s Cleveland Cavaliers team losing in the second round of the NBA Playoffs.

“We’re thrilled with the combination of the way it’s playing across the board. It’s playing as a fanboy movie, but it’s also playing as family movie, too. I even know a bunch of people who are planning to take their mothers to see ‘Iron Man 2′ on Mother’s Day, which really made me chuckle.” — Don Harris, Paramount’s vice president of distribution

Chuckle?

You’re not chuckling. You’re hiring UCLA films grads by the dozen just so you can berate, mildly sexually harass, and fire them to make yourself feel better. And you better be prepared for even more frustration when a half-a-dozen movies beat Ferrum Male II and its pitiful rake this summer.

What’s up with it’s “also playing as family movie, too?”

Does Harris actually think a film can do anywhere near $130 million from fan boy ducats alone?

A film can barely do $30 million on fan boys alone. In case you haven’t notice Harris, we have a life outside of watching movies–whether or not there’s a superhero movie playing in our local theater is the least of our worries.

Yes, the Jon Favreau directed flick will make bank and more than enough cheese to warrant a third incarnation. But even when a team favored to win the championship loses early in the playoffs the team still comes back next season. In other words, the prospect of Iron Man 3 is “meh.”

One good thing, at least Iron Man 2 beat out Kick-Ass.

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