Stephen Colbert’s ‘Another Christmas Song’ Attacks Capitalism (VIDEO)

Stephen Colbert’s ‘Another Christmas Song’ Is Yet Another Attack on Capitalism

This holiday season Stephen Colbert graced us by releasing “Another Christmas Song.” The ditty is quite catchy and in performing it the Comedy Central host revealed that he has a passable singing voice.

However, his song, while first appearing cute and clever, is actually a well thought out exegesis against Capitalism (and even Christmas).

The song tells the story of Colbert writing a Christmas song in hopes of reaping profits from its sale. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not the best sentiment for the Yule Tide time but whatcha going to do?

When Land of Punt first heard the carol we admit we were concerned by its smarmy view of Christmas but we were so captivated by its indelible melody that we ignored our initial displeasure.

However, when the bridge rolled around our tuned changed.

Young ones starving on a dead-end street
Taped up tabloids on their frost-bit feet
Hear what they carol as they huddle for heat

[All children:]
Please help the “Colbert Children” eat

As soon as LOP heard those children’s pleas we realize this wasn’t just a snarky take on the alleged consumerism of the season but a full-fledged attack on Capitalism.

The lullaby is an attack on Capitalism because it connects the economics of Christmas (both the good and bad) with poverty. It implies that Colbert’s desire to profit from his Christmas chantey causes children to go poor.

That is simply not true.

The generation (or even accumulation) of wealth doesn’t cause anyone to go hungry. The re-distribution of wealth does.

LOP argues that the song is designed to make the listener feel guilty about earning money and using the gains to enjoy the Christmas season. To imply that you should feel guilty for enjoying the holidays is irresponsible, insidious, and immoral.

Guilt implies that you’ve done something wrong. But working hard to earn money for the holidays, or working hard to make money off the holidays, is absolutely, positively, one-hundred percent okay.

Some may view Colbert’s threnody as an attack on greed and a call for compassion. LOP doesn’t see any greed in the song. The singer just wants to make a living.

As for compassion, or lack thereof, the song doesn’t imply a selfish hoarding of wealth. It implies if you make wealth you’re not compassionate. That is wrong.

Besides, how can you be compassionate (with your money, which is what this song is really about) if you don’t have any?

Furthermore, the inclusion of poor and hungry children (apart from our anti-Capitalist angle) ruined the refrain. A whimsical Christmas track is not the best place to remind us of the down trodden. Also the song would have been much funnier had the children reminded Colbert that the true meaning of Christmas isn’t the dollar but Jesus Christ.

Of course, that’s asking for a Christmas miracle: a celebrity to embrace both Capitalism and Christianity. Not even Santa can make that gift happen.

Another Christmas Song Lyrics
Ho! It’s another Christmas song
Whoa! Get ready brother for another Christmas song
They play for a month, Ad infinitum
One day it struck me someone must write ‘em
So! It’s another Christmas song

Santa clause singing on naughty snow
Reindeer ringing in the mistletoe
The manger’s on fire,
The holly’s a-glow
Hear the baby Jesus cryin’ ho ho ho

Hey! It’s another Christmas song
Yay! Another oft’ returning (often returning)
Royalty earning Christmas song
I’ve got plenty more so go buy a modem
Log on to iTunes and pay to download ‘em
Pay! For another Christmas song

Chestnuts glisten on a silent night
Sleigh-bells kissing by candle light
The tree is frozen, the winter’s bright
Who’d have thought the wise men look so white

You! Don’t you wanna sing along?
To! My humble yule tide
Dreamed up pool side
Christmas song
Make it a part of your holiday canon
Make it the heart of my retirement plan and
Do! Sing another Christmas song

BEAT IT INTO ‘EM FELLAS!
WATCH MY FEET FLY!

But wait! Who’s this?

Young ones starving on a dead-end street
Taped up tabloids on their frost-bit feet
Hear what they carol as they huddle for heat

[All children:]
Please help the “Colbert Children” eat

Whoa! Just another Christmas song
No! This is like no other Christmas-mother-lovin’-song
Public to whom I’m so proud to have pandered
Please save my family and make this a standard
Go! Join the ever-growing throng
Who are singing
And swingin’
While my kids are clinging to the hope
My register’s ching-ching chinging from the cash I’m bringing
From another Christmas song

Copyright Stephen Colbert

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