Celerbity Apprentice: Breaking Down the Celebrities

Celebrity Apprentice (even normal Apprentice) will never be a part of the Land of Punt.  The show is too contrived and ridiculous.

However, that shouldn’t stop us from examining the reality television show (which just happens to be premiering Sunday March 1st on NBC).

Below are the 16 “celebrities” and a brief discussion of not only what made them a celebrity but the year in which their celebrity peaked.

Obviously, these celebrities appear on Celebrity Apprentice to bolster their celebritiness but to their credit, they are playing for a charity of their choice.

However, I think the real reason they signed up to be on Celebrity Apprentice (besides an unhealthy desire for attention) is for SEO reasons.  The NBC website promoting the shows lists every contestants’ website.  That’s a good quality link.

Annie Duke

annie_duke

Annie Duke is a poker player.  Meaning she’s one step above professional video game players and one step below professional fishermen.  Obviously, the last winner of Survivor had a scheduling conflict.  The pinnacle of her celebrity, the year 2006.

Andrew Dice Clay

Andrew Dice Clay taught us all a valuable lesson: that vulgarity, insensitivity and cursing are only funny if you have the talent to back them up.  The zenith of his celebrity was 1990.

Andrew Dice Clay taught us all a valuable lesson: that vulgarity, insensitivity and cursing are only funny if you have the talent to back them up. The zenith of his celebrity was 1990.

Brande Roderick

Brande Roderick is a playmate, next!

Brande Roderick is a playmate, next!

Clint Black

Clint Black. You know you’re career is struggling when your bio lists the number of songs you’ve written and then says that number is impressive.  Height of Black’s celebrity, 1989.

Clint Black. You know you’re career is struggling when your bio lists the number of songs you’ve written and then says that number is impressive. Height of Black’s celebrity, 1989.

Claudia Jordan

Claudia Jordan is a model on NBC’s Deal or No Deal, can we say synergy?  This means her appearance on Celebrity Apprentice is her celebrity.

Claudia Jordan is a model on NBC’s Deal or No Deal, can we say synergy?  She was a “Barker Beauty” on The Price is Right from 2001 to 2003.   She was also Miss Rhode Island Teen 1990 in.   However, 2005 was probably the best year for Miss Jordan.

Dennis Rodman

Dennis Rodman was actually a very good NBA player, when he had his head on straight.  The zenith of his celebrity was the 1997-98 NBA season or whenever he boxed-out Madonna.

Dennis Rodman was actually a very good basketball player, when he had his head on straight. The zenith of his celebrity was the 1997-98 NBA season or whenever he boxed-out Madonna.

Herschel Walker

Herschel Walker was one of the greatest college football players of all-time.  Trump will probably trade him to Dancing With The Stars for half a dozen celebrities.  The height of his career was in 1982 when he won the Heisman Trophy.

Herschel Walker was one of the greatest college football players of all-time. Trump will probably trade him to Dancing With The Stars for half a dozen celebrities. The height of his career was in 1982 when he won the Heisman Trophy.

Jesse James

Jesse James. Amazing they were able to resurrect this western outlaw.  G.E. can bring good things to life.  It will be interesting to see how James handles computers and cell phones, after all there was only the telegraph machine when he out rustling and horse stealing.  His best year 1869.

Jesse James. Amazing they were able to resurrect this western outlaw. G.E. can bring good things to life. It will be interesting to see how James handles computers and cell phones, after all there was only the telegraph machine when he out rustling and horse stealing. His best year 1869.

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers should have replaced Johnny Carson as host of the Tonight Show, instead she’s ridiculing pretty people on the red carpet.  The height of her celebrity status was 1986.

Joan Rivers should have replaced Johnny Carson as host of the Tonight Show, instead she’s ridiculing pretty people on the red carpet. The height of her celebrity status was 1986.

Melissa Rivers

A Former E! personality, Melissa Rivers now dazzles television audiences as a presenter and producer on the TV Guide Channel.  How would you like that sentence to appear in your obituary?  The zenith of M.R.’s career was probably in 1990 when she was crowned Queen Shenandoah LXIII at the Shenandoah Apple Blossom Festival.

A Former E! personality, Melissa Rivers now dazzles television audiences as a presenter and producer on the TV Guide Channel. How would you like that sentence to appear in your obituary? The zenith of M.R.’s career was probably in 1990 when she was crowned Queen Shenandoah LXIII at the Shenandoah Apple Blossom Festival.

Khloe Kardashian

Khloe Kardashian.  Apparently E! has incrementing pictures of NBC—maybe snaps of NBC doing it with Telemundo—because KK is the third E-exclamation-pointer on this version of Celebrity Apprentice. By the way, KK is a celebrity because she’s a celebrity.  She has no redeeming qualities and no talent other than she’s famous.

Khloe Kardashian did not become a celebrity, she was made into a celebrity.  She has no redeeming qualities and no discernible talents, other than being famous.  Her celebrity pinnacle is probably now,  in 2009.

Natalie Gulbis

Natalie Gulbis is a professional golfer.  Her name is fun to say, “Gulbis.”  The height of her celebrity occurred in 2007 when "Gulbis" won her first LPGA Tour victory.  Now say it with me, “Gulbis.”

Natalie Gulbis is a professional golfer. Her name is fun to say, “Gulbis.” The height of her celebrity occurred in 2007 when “Gulbis” won her first LPGA Tour victory. Now say it with me, “Gulbis.”

Scott Hamilton

Scott Hamilton won the gold medal in men's figure skating at the 1984 Olympics in Sarajevo.  Scotty is also a great skating commentator.

Scott Hamilton won the gold medal in men’s figure skating at the 1984 Olympics in Sarajevo. Scotty is also a great skating commentator.  L.O.P. has always like Scotty Hamilton and always thought he was a real nice guy, which means he’ll probably finish last.

Tom Green

Tom Green is the unfunniest comedian of all time and his beard looks like it may kill someone.  The zenith of his celebrity was 1999.

Tom Green is the unfunniest comedian of all time and his beard looks like it may kill someone. The zenith of his celebrity was 1999.

Tionne Watkins

Tionne Watkins is also known as T-Boz, the lead singer of the best-selling female group of all time, TLC.  I have no idea what that last sentence means.  Her celebrity zenith was in 1995.

Tionne Watkins is also known as T-Boz, the lead singer of the best-selling female group of all time, TLC. I have no idea what that last sentence means. Her celebrity zenith was in 1995.

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